|
About Recovery
|
My father labeled me as a "tough cookie" and I never thought to question his definition. And my Aunt Madeline urged me, "Carole, be strong for your brothers." I never thought to ask, well, what about me?
As an adult, I twice sought psychiatric help and was twice dismissed as highly functioning, as if this were somehow the only measure for help. These psychiatrists either glossed over or did not ask about my childhood credentials, the abandonment of my early orphanhood, "The Girl Whose Mother Died," and, then, "The Girl Whose Father Died," and my scarred status as the child of an alcoholic. I found my way into Al-Anon. At an Al-Anon meeting, a woman repeated a remark her therapist had made in a session that struck me as both wise and perceptive. I followed this stranger out of the room and overcame my fear of asking for what I need and asked for her therapist's phone number. She generously gave me the number and that is how I found Sherrye Everett, a therapist who specializes in the treatment of active alcoholics and adult children of alcoholic families. Sherrye knew my game: let me fit in, let me blend, let me be flawless, let me be perfect which, of course, allowed me no humanity, only the stick figure. Although I was reluctant, I raked up the pain of my childhood so that I might learn what behaviors I took from that troubled time into my adult life. Insisting that I talk about me, Sherrye gave me the beginner's guide to feelings: mad, sad, glad, lonely, or scared, later adding shame and guilt. I still have her faded handout on defense mechanisms.
In the rookie stages of my recovery, I became a proselytizer, a messianic preacher of self-help programs, a cartoon-like role I gradually abandoned. While I accept the genetic predisposition to alcoholism, try to understand that we, the O'Malleys, knew nothing else: no hobbies, no interests, no athletics as a family, no stopping for sunsets, no walks in the woods; instead we knew dimly-lit bars and a whiskey bottle on the counter.
My therapist pushed me into attending Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings where I eventually began to look at the behaviors, coping skills, and attitudes I picked up in my childhood home. Letting go of these character traits is, for me, a lifelong process.
|
Slogans
Is this good for me?
How important is it?
First things first
Easy does it
Let go and let god focus on yourself
The 3C's - Didn't CAUSE it, Can't CURE it, Can't CONTROL it
F.E.A.R. - False Evidence Appearing Real
P.U.S.H. - Pray Until Something Happens.
Reading List
SELF HELP
Co-dependent No More - Melody Beattie
Feminine Psychology - Karen Horney, M.D.
For Your Own Good - Alice Miller
Games Alcoholics Play - Eric Berne, M.D.
Games People Play - Eric Berne, M.D.
Getting Organized - Stephanie Winston
How to be an assertive (to aggressive) woman in life, in love and on the job) - Jean Baer
I'm Ok, You're Ok - Thomas A. Harris, M.D.
Learning to Love Yourself - Wharon Wegscheider - Cruse
The Ability to Change - Allan Fromme
The Art of Selfishness - David Seabury
The Cinderella Complex - Colette Dowling
The Family, A Revolutionary Way of Self Discovery - John Bradshaw
The Language of Letting Go - Melody Beattie
You Just Don't Understand - Deborah Tannen Ph.D.
MEDITATION
Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II
Alateen A Day at a Time
Daily Affirmations For Adult Children of Alcoholics - Rokelle Lerner
Each Day an New Beginning-Daily Meditations of Women - Hazelden
Hope for Today: One Day at a Time - Al-Anon Family Groups
|
 |
| |
|
|
About the Author